FORLORN

I really have no one now.
Today, I'm a changed woman. HAHA. We'll see how long this goes on for.
On the brighter side...


I played CS with Martin, Lisa and Mark last night for my first time at a PC station -- EGames to be exact hahaha. I'm glad we did it. I need to get better at it anyway. I find so much enjoyment lately from violent games. I hate violent crimes, but I seem to really like violence in film and video games.


I feel good about myself right now. Hopefully it's real confidence I have, and not that phony front I often put up. Lisa and I had a talk about this a few months ago where a lot of the girls in the group -- particularly she and I -- play with confidence. After all, there's NOTHING WRONG with us. Not at all. We're amazing girls, we know that we're not ugly. HAHAHA. It's amazing how someone that seems so confident can feel so weak inside at times. The confidence only goes so far, and then we have to stop being overly-confident as to not be arrogant or things wouldn't work out with other people. We'd be ultimate bitches.


OOO!!!

It never occured to me how much guys put up a facade too. I mean, really, it makes sense, but something really tingled my mind yesterday. This past week, Debbie asked Mark if guys really claim that they can do most of the things they "can" when they can't, and he answered something to the effect of this: "If Shantal asked me to change her oil, I'd tell her I could even though I don't know how and get oil all over myself." Thought NOTHING of this until last night.

2 nights ago, I'd experienced something that really got me thinking about the way guys are with each other -- always trying to dominate. Two of my guy-friends claimed to have had fun "fighting" with the other. One said it was funny to punk around someone smaller; the other one said it was great getting to beat up the other guy. So who's stronger? Who claims to be stronger. They're both claiming to have fulfilled some (what's the word?) prophecy? I don't know. But, neither of them were the "loser" in their stories. Could this mean it was a tie, the fight meant nothing? or does it mean that guys just really don't like to admit to loss?

Hm..