keep me hungry.

I'm craving Phillipe's. It's the spot if you're ever in downtown LA craving french dip sandwiches, that's the place to be. Not to mention, their coffee's only 9cents. Yes. 9.

Dino's is another place to try. I just had a pastrami sandwich from there. It was the best pastrami sandwich I had ever had in my life. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a good picture, but no worries. I will personally make a visit for your viewing pleasure.

<3
eat up.

Delicious.

I have always loved mediterranean food.
We were able to reunite today<3 yay!



Ooh. A lot has happened this past week. Friendship rekindled. Break with friendship. Grama's birthday. Shopping. Lalala.

mmm. and mediterranean food.
Yum.

more than words.

It was really hard for me when my grandmother passed away.
I didn't have much to say really. What was there to say?
I miss you, I love you, what more?

I managed to get something out by the funeral, but still no words could describe how I felt. I knew that I meant a lot to her, and I knew that she loved me deeply so sometimes I would wonder how she could leave.. I mean we all have to some time. It's all rhetorical. I'm not really looking for a definite answer. It just surprises me that people leave EVERYTHING behind when they pass. None of this all matters (material things) anyway.

Two days ago I found myself in a room with a pile of once-cherished things. Old photos, clothes, jewelry, glasses, music boxes, hats, a whole wall full of stuffed toy animals. Among those things I found a little green notebook, and in that green note book -- a message. It was a message to me written back in 2003. I don't have the notebook right now or I would quote the short passage, but in it, she said that she loves me, Justine, truly and so deeply, deep down to her bones. I sat on the couch reading it over and over as if to see more writing, but nothing. Just that. She ended that statement with a "No kidding!" too which I thought was cute.

I'm really glad she's in a better place, but life's just not the same without her. I've been reminded constantly about her too. Last week, I took my sister mini golfing and there were bushes of gardenias everywhere. She loved gardenias so much she used to pick them out of her tree for me.

There were flowers all over her plot at the cemetery. She loved my dad so much. She was so proud of him, and always talked about him and his kids. She always asked him to do things for her because she felt like she could depend on him all the time. And when we visited her on the 3rd day after she'd been buried, all the flowers from the service were scattered on her grave site. It was so messy, but it was a beautiful sea of colors -- a bed of roses and tulips. My dad and mom helped clean up the flowers so that it wasn't so messy. It was as if she'd purposely done it to have my dad be the one to fix things because we were the first ones there.

She was different.
Seriously.. you wish you had a grandmother like mine because no one can say that their grandmother was classy, beautiful, elegant, popular (with famous people), proud, boastful, disasterous, crazy, loud, fierce, assertive, loveable, forgiving, generous.. what a combo right?

charming.

ecodepression.

Al Gore knows what he's talking about.
Why is he not our president? Why won't he be our president?
Will he run 2008?

Personally, I don't think. He's been cheated, and he's received Nobel Peace Prize already -- Master and Grandfather of Global Warming. He's doing his part, and good for him.

His speech last night was amazing. He covered everything!

We need to make a difference even if it's small. We need to make a change. We're about to hit depression if we don't make a turn-around. Europe is going down. Everything is relative to our economy. Because of gas prices and inflation, Europe was down 20% this summer in revenue from tourists! THAT'S A HUGE CHUNK of their income.

A burger, beer, and some fries costs $24 in EUROPE. EURO IS DOUBLE! imagine. a normal burger and some fries = $24?! !@#$% are you kidding me? $10/gall. with gas?! The cost of living is so expensive and wages have been frozen in Italy. How the hell are they going to survive? How are we going to survive if we're headed the same way?!

Put away your feelings and your emotions and just make a choice that will benefit the majority of people. Let's rock this November election.

GAY MARRIAGE

just leave em alone! they just wanna live together and live in peace.
LEAVE EM ALONE! :]

two points.

+1 If we didn't have to account for everyone's feelings, life would be much easier. Peoples' feelings do get hurt, and we all betray someone at some point in our lives. Mostly this happens at a younger age, but that doesn't stop us from making the wrong choices later on in life.

It hurt at first to know that I hurt you. Yes people get mad, but why should we all stay mad? Life's too short to be an angry fool the rest of your life. What beauty will you see if you're always mad? Now, I know things will be fine. Discovering that you hurt a good friend -- BAD.

This can be applied to two instances in my life so generally, I'm speaking on behalf of them both. It's never a good thing to hurt someone, but if they want to stay in that moment, if they want to hate me for the rest of their lives, if they want to have something affect them for the rest of their adult life, I'm moving on.

I've done what I can, and if I focus on your needs all the time, I'd be stuck with you, with you not letting me in. Where would we be heading? NO WHERE.

Keep moving. No regrets. Learn. (don't) REPEAT.



+2 I wish I was stronger/tougher. I wish I wasn't such a sucker. I wish I was an asshole sometimes. And while these things sound so negative, I'm so overwhelmed with feeling that I imagine if I was a stronger asshole bitch-woman life would be so much easier. I wouldn't care too much about anyone -- not a thing.

Sometimes I care too much, and I could work on it. Actually, I have. I've been doing great the past couple months. Then I start to care again, and I know that we'll go through the same cycle. Who wants that for either one of us?

Please understand that life should be laughed at, a joke sometimes. It's supposed to be taken lighter than we take it, or our lives would be long lives of suffering. We'd be searching for answers we'd never get. There'd be tons of "What ifs.."

We don't need what ifs to complicate our lives further. Things are great, but I know sometimes I'll need help..

I'm glad you're doing good
I think at this point we both know.. we can't be friends.






RUDIGER couldn't have said it better:
"Who I am seems unclear
The strength I thought I had is not drying these tears
Keep on falling down, my mind screaming out
For something to bring back all the peace I once felt�

So secure, so content
I can be there again soon if I just�

Remember who I am, not who I was
Remember where I'm going, not where I came from

Who am I now?
What will become of this?
When will this storm pass?
Where is the bright side to be looked on?
Why do I feel like my mind is a prisoner for countless crimes?
I need to be bailed out. Someone help me�"

proof of life

She was the life of the party.
Here are some pictures of her service.
It was beautiful.

Pictures were taken with a Nikon D300 if you're wondering. They came out so beautifully.

By the way, if for the next 50 days you start to grow ill of my appearance I want to say sorry in advance. I'm not allowed to cut my hair, cut my nails, shave, etc.

:]































Here are more pictures to look at if you're bored. These are from the mortuary during the viewing:

the process

Healing processes are never pleasant.
I'm going to miss my beautiful grandmother very much.

Here's the final product of my speech:

Ever since I heard about the news about Granny, I've been at a loss for words. When I woke up that Tuesday morning, I was speechless, and my heart sank. For the past week, I've tried and tried to concoct some meaningful tid bit about her, but nothing came to mind. I literally sat with my pen and paper -- nothing. It's surprising, I would think I'd have a lot to say about her. Instead, I had nothing to say about someone who always had something to say. Maybe it was just too difficult to sum up her grand, bursting personality in one short speech. I find it easier to just speak directly to her, rather than trying to tell you stories of my experiences with her..

Granny, I just want you to know how much I miss you -- we all do. I'm truly blessed to have had you as my grandmother. The impact you left on us should inspire and motivate us to have as great of a life as you did. You always had a story to tell about your travels or about what you'd accomplished or who you'd come across. If there's something I learned from you, it's to pass on the cheerfulness and the joy that you've given me. You gave, even when there was no more to give -- you always found a way. And your dazzling character was so contagious and loved by all people. You've touched us all and life will definitely never be the same without you because you were the life, and now without you, life seems so mundane and boring.

I'm truly sad that you're gone now -- we all are, but I'm glad to have been able to have lived in the same lifetime as you. I'm blessed to have had a grandmother like you who was so supportive and so caring. You were the strength I didn't have and together we made a great team. Maybe that's why I acquired the name "little granny" which means you'll always be a part of me, and I'll do my best to make you proud. In your own words, "Happy times are here because I'm with my family again." I'm glad that you're happy, and we'll continue to do our best to make you happy and proud of each and everyone of us.

I love you Granny; I'll see you soon enough.

---


She was seriously the most supportive in my decisions, and she was the strength that I didn't have.

Pictures of the service will be up soon :]

Granny, you always knew.

This was the first draft of the Eulogy:

As cliche as it might sound, there really are no words to describe the way I feel about the passing away of our dearest Granny. When I sat down to write this, nothing came to mind. I am just at a loss for words. I literally sat with nothing to say, which was really surprising considering there was so much to say about her. Maybe it was just too difficult to sum up her bursting personality in one short speech.

During her lifetime, granny was able to experience a lot. I could say that I'm sad for her to leave us, but life goes on and I'm sure the impact she left on us all should motivate us to have as great of a life as she had -- always having a story to tell about where she'd been, what she'd done, and all that had happened to her. Pass it on. I'm truly sad that she's gone, and I wish she was here -- and I'm sure we all do. She was the strength that I didn't have. Our personalities were not identical, but they worked together -- she being the strong one, and I was always the timid one, but together we made a great team.

She often boasted to random people about me, and it always embarrassed me, but it made me feel great to know that she thought highly of me. I think her life should be celebrated, and we should not mourn and be so sad about the loss. If we see it as loss, then it will be sad. Everyone loved her, and I've always done my best to have her know that I loved her too, maybe that's why I feel that we should be accepting of her passing.

She loved everyone she came across, and we all love her too. She's always known that, and we've all done our best to have her know how delicate she was to each and everyone of us.

Granny, you'll be missed, but ultimately, I know you would want us to use your life as example for our lives, and we'll do the very best we can to make you happy and proud.
Thank you.

lost voice.

A few months ago, I lost my voice. Ever since then, my voice has never been the same really. I can't scream -- nothing comes out. I can't yell without sounding like a horse. Singing (on key) has become even harder than it was before!

I noticed that I'm quieter because of it. Slower. I don't speak out much anymore.

Sometimes I feel sad, mad -- I just don't say anything anymore. There's really no point in explaining how I feel. And I know how silly that sounds, but I guess we're all a little silly sometimes.

If you're my friend remember, I love you. Even if you don't see me much anymore, and you can't hear me speak anymore, just know it.

it's a sad day.

My grandma passed away this morning.
I hope her soul rests in peace.
I know her physical body is finally at rest.

Mama Lee, Granny, I love you. You've always known. I'll see you soon.. Wait for me.