fumar.

I smoke more when I'm nervous about my money.
I can have ONE cigarette a day -- improvement.

Yesterday, after helping someone with a phone bill, I smoked AT LEAST 6.

I haven't wanted a cigarette at all. AT ALL. In fact, when I had that ONE and only ONE the other night, I felt sick. I didn't have an urge to smoke at all, but once financial burdens came up. WOOOSH.

I can't let it get to me.

And yes, I know the irony of it all makes you just trickle with laughter inside.

You know, Since I smoke when I'm low on cash, and smoking makes me low on cash.

i love the 20s

I also love Lucy<3



I'm in love with the 20s, 40s and 50s

blow it up.

This past weekend probably involved the most fun I've had in a while. There was something to do every day this weekend! And I don't know why but I get off to fireworks. hahaha. I love lighting them?<3 Firecrackers and roman candles and bees. :]

Friday night was fun at the Santa Monica Pier. Debbie bought us our tickets to ride unlimitedly that night. So much fun. Dragon ride and bumper cars and lame (but scary) ferris wheel. This was all followed by a 2 hour wait at pinks. not to mention baaaaaaad allergies. Boo. But in the end -- in conclusion -- things get better once you've got that juicy wiener in your mouth :]

Huntington yesterday. I could stop telling myself how beautiful it is at the beach. I kept snapping mental shots of images in my head as if I were taking pictures with a camera. The sunset was beautiful, the people that came were amazing. It couldn't have been better. Oh, I'm really trying hard to let the whole smoking thing just pass over. I don't want to do it anymore. I had one at the beach, but I keep telling myself that I don't need a cigarette to enjoy such a beautiful world we live in.. I just need to open my eyes.

I nearly drowned yesterday as Nancy tried warning me about the wave about to crash on us, but by the time she could say anything of course we'd already fallen victim to the it. hahaha. It was fun getting sand in our hair, ears, eyes and mouth. I felt free though. Even though my hair was messy, my skin was itchy, i felt as if i looked my shittiest, i actually liked it. It made me feel good to just be my true self in the midst of all nature. then..


Food and more food, and friends and love afterwards at Jase's. It's been great.

cheers to a great summer so far.

keep me hungry.

I'm craving Phillipe's. It's the spot if you're ever in downtown LA craving french dip sandwiches, that's the place to be. Not to mention, their coffee's only 9cents. Yes. 9.

Dino's is another place to try. I just had a pastrami sandwich from there. It was the best pastrami sandwich I had ever had in my life. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a good picture, but no worries. I will personally make a visit for your viewing pleasure.

<3
eat up.

Delicious.

I have always loved mediterranean food.
We were able to reunite today<3 yay!



Ooh. A lot has happened this past week. Friendship rekindled. Break with friendship. Grama's birthday. Shopping. Lalala.

mmm. and mediterranean food.
Yum.

more than words.

It was really hard for me when my grandmother passed away.
I didn't have much to say really. What was there to say?
I miss you, I love you, what more?

I managed to get something out by the funeral, but still no words could describe how I felt. I knew that I meant a lot to her, and I knew that she loved me deeply so sometimes I would wonder how she could leave.. I mean we all have to some time. It's all rhetorical. I'm not really looking for a definite answer. It just surprises me that people leave EVERYTHING behind when they pass. None of this all matters (material things) anyway.

Two days ago I found myself in a room with a pile of once-cherished things. Old photos, clothes, jewelry, glasses, music boxes, hats, a whole wall full of stuffed toy animals. Among those things I found a little green notebook, and in that green note book -- a message. It was a message to me written back in 2003. I don't have the notebook right now or I would quote the short passage, but in it, she said that she loves me, Justine, truly and so deeply, deep down to her bones. I sat on the couch reading it over and over as if to see more writing, but nothing. Just that. She ended that statement with a "No kidding!" too which I thought was cute.

I'm really glad she's in a better place, but life's just not the same without her. I've been reminded constantly about her too. Last week, I took my sister mini golfing and there were bushes of gardenias everywhere. She loved gardenias so much she used to pick them out of her tree for me.

There were flowers all over her plot at the cemetery. She loved my dad so much. She was so proud of him, and always talked about him and his kids. She always asked him to do things for her because she felt like she could depend on him all the time. And when we visited her on the 3rd day after she'd been buried, all the flowers from the service were scattered on her grave site. It was so messy, but it was a beautiful sea of colors -- a bed of roses and tulips. My dad and mom helped clean up the flowers so that it wasn't so messy. It was as if she'd purposely done it to have my dad be the one to fix things because we were the first ones there.

She was different.
Seriously.. you wish you had a grandmother like mine because no one can say that their grandmother was classy, beautiful, elegant, popular (with famous people), proud, boastful, disasterous, crazy, loud, fierce, assertive, loveable, forgiving, generous.. what a combo right?

charming.