on track.

took me a little while to summon up the courage, but i did it.
triumph. in it to win. in it to conquer life.
at this point, i've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

some of what were obstacles in my battle field have been overthrown, and the others will most likely conceal themselves in hopes that they will soon fool me -- propel and attempt to break me down at the most unexpected time. a time when my happiness will blissfully blind me, but i'm aware of the jokes life plays on us, and occassionally i'll laugh-with, but i won't be a victim to its mockery.

no i won't let it walk over me.

a new start.

i'll keep it simple.

there's just 4309578102931222187398 things on my mind, and it doesn't help that school officially starts TODAY. i need to keep myself together, and kick this semester's ass :]


this last weeend before school was amazing.
seen a lotta people i haven't seen in years.
Lazo being one of them. and did he treat me out for a great night!
drinks...dancing...party...chillin' in the car telling stories... PRICELESS.

it was fun talking about the days when things were so simple.
i haven't walked in the house at 5am.. well, i may never have walked in the door at all at 5am EVER, but his stories about our childhood made it worth while.

The past four days were amzing.. just hanging out with friends, despite how awkward it is sometimes with others around, i'm really glad to have the friends that i do.


The past is the past, and every semester is a brand new. So let's forget about the mistakes, the bad grades, whatever it is that holds us back from doing our best, and just do a great job.

Warped Tour

So, this is the first year I haven't gone in 4 because the bands just weren't appealing. I was waiting for Anti-Flag.. since a year ago! This is how I feel (taken from Mikey's xanga which I found to be an entertaining read):

"This was the first time in years that I've missed the Warped Tour. I chose not to go this year in protest. Warped Tour began 14 years ago as the premier punk show of the summer. Over the years the lineup has gotten a little worse and worse. This year there were only 2 bands that I found worth watching - The Vandals and Rise Against. Most of the bands I've never heard of before, a lot of which are hardcord or pop bands. The most offensive of all was that the headliner was none other than Katy Perry (the "Kissed a Girl" chick). Why would a punk show have a flavor of the week artist that gets constant KIIS FM hits? It's a freakin' election year, where are all the political punk bands? Where's NOFX and Anti-Flag? I guess most of the bands on the bill attract an audience too young and naive to vote so what would the point be, right? Maybe Katy Perry was asked to play to talk about gay rights?

Warped Tour is too hip now that it's no longer cool. Instead of being a nice place where all the punks and outcasts felt like part of an exclusive community for one day, now it just feels like every other 364 shitty days of the year.

Screw you, Kevin Lyman"


Cheers!

Searching.

I've started my search for employment some place other than where I'm working now. I love the environment, especially working at the USC's Health/Science campus. I've always had this thing for pharmacy, but I'm not in it for the money so I'm still in the pursuit of becoming an elementary school teacher.

(Plus, working here, I know now that it's tough to make it as a pharmacist *California is too saturated, but that's besides the point)

What I'm looking for now is something that will help me advance in my field. I'll be looking to work in a classroom within the next year volunteering, and perhaps actually being compensated for the time I spend tutoring. I'm excited because our society needs good teachers, and I feel like I can really help make a difference in the educational system.

Hopefully down the road, after a few years of teaching, I could become a counselor at a high school or maybe a principal at a local school. I like dealing with policy -- making change, and good change at that. I'd really like to help foster and direct the minds of upcoming generations.

Oh boy,
I can't wait.


But becoming a teacher, or anything for that matter doesn't just happen by waiting, and hoping, but actually by doing. I'll be looking into schools, talking to teachers and principals soon so that by the time I graduate, I could start working as a TA at the same time attending graduate school for my Masters.

I think I also made a decision to attent Cal Poly Pomona for my Graduate degree.
ONE. it's cheaper than a private school, and it takes less time to graduate
TWO. Cal States are GREAT in their credential programs.



I was in no hurry to move on from where I am now -- an Office Assistant at USC's School of Pharmacy, but I feel that after being here for as long as I have, and not being appreciated for my hard work, it's time to move on. Of course, I will still do my best here for the time being because you should never fall short of yourself. I'm a hard worker not a hard worker who only works hard because I'm getting paid.


NO WAY
Basically, if you want to know.. I negotiated a wage increase. It was my first time asking for a raise, but I knew that I deserved one. I've been here for almost a year, minimum wage went up, and I hadn't been evaluated once since I'd been here. I work hard, and do more than what was asked from me initially being hired. My responsibilites has climbed up the walls in the last month or two, and there was a conflict in duties vs. compensation.

So I "manned up" and asked for a really big increase, but that's not the point. Since minimum went up, I was still getting paid the same amount I'd initially started with -- making me earn ONLY minimum. So, I deserved an inflation increase + a raise. Fine. Yes. On top of that, I asked for what I thought I was worth. I really wanted a few dollars more than what I was making, but my "cool" supervisor told me to negotiate 5 dollars higher than what I was making. I did that.

Long story short, my manager (who is NOW on maternity leave) told me that I got the raise I asked for. 13.50. That is not even A LOT for the work I do. In my field, people get paid about 17 at least. Plus, the temp that just got hired, she doesn't know half the information I know, and she's making 18 an hour vs. the 8 dollars I was making. 13.50 would have just be enough to keep me here. Shaunna (my cool supervisor) gave me this number -- 13.50. She explained that if anything, they'd negotiate, and you'd get about 10/11 out of that 13.50 which we agreed was what I wanted anyway.

Day comes that I'm supposed to get my raise, and I'd been lied to. I only received a dollar increase, and now baby momma is on leave. So in conclusion USC SUCKS BALLS.

Well, not really, but the people who work in my office -- they're all conniving bitches who will get theirs. As for now, I smile, look, and act pretty. I will continue to work hard even after the hit (Oh, how I'm so used to this), and I will be actively looking for something I was meant for. And when the time comes, and when I find a place where I will be appreciated and not taken advantage of, you will see me walk out these doors without hesitation, because I will not have it.

I'd quit now, but it's never smart to quit and not be able to find a job afterwards, so watch me 1up these bitches. :]

Recap

August 7 -- I meant to write an entry on this day. I never got the chance. I've felt so uninspired. It was my day off, and the reason: to give blood. Well, it was to give Soch a ride to Mt. Sac so that we could get free money at the financial aid office and so he could take his assessment test for school, but that would happen after giving blood. And this is what we did together at our 5 month mark. We saved lives. It probably felt a lot more rewarding than actually going out and spending money on shit we didn't need. Plus he has O+ blood, that son of a bitch. (I wanted to be a universal herO+) hahaha.

So for a while now, I've felt really tired and unispired -- REALLY!
Oh of course I want to do AMAZING, but no one else wants it.

I wanna make a winning team, but no one really cares to win, I feel.

At work--
Time are hard.
I was played.

Hopefully in the net year or so, I will be Ms. Justine. :]
I'm excited.
I'm lookin.

I'd rather get paid minimum and be learning shit rather than be makin 14 anyway and shootin the shit at work, getting fatter.

sick of all this bullshit

Our generation -- MY generation -- the group of kids that don't give a fuck enough about their futures. Yeah, seriously. We're fucked, and no one gives a rat's ass. Our economy is bad, and all we can do is dream, and dreaming's not bad at all, but what further do we do with those dreams? Are our dreams just pleasant images only good to think about?

We want. We whine. We cry. We talk. but no one does a damn thing to protect their dreams. It's frustrating. CARE MORE about our futures, about our lives. Want more. Stay engaged.

Together we can make a difference. We can work together to take the steps to get to our goals. It's a constant struggle, but we can't give up.

I'm living with a bunch of kids who whine about everything, but no one does their part. No one votes; no one tries to become part of their school administrative system to change policies. We're all unhappy with no intentions of pursuing happiness because it's just too hard isn't it?

We don't want to jump. We don't want to act. We stayed glued to the monitor for protection. No one interacts with people anymore because we're all scared. Earphones glued to our heads because no one wants to hear this "shit." We don't want to see it. We don't want any of what seems bad, but instead of trying to do something about it, we ignore it. What good does that do?!


FUCKIN STAND UP ALREADY.
I'm tired of your bullshit.


p.s. Sorry for the language. It captures my passion for the subject though..


I'm not advocating a protest, or for people to do things because I SAY we should, I just want people to be aware that it's easy to walk in circles, but we can break loose. Even if it's something as small as standing up for ourselves. We need more of you to break free from this pointless wander.

You can't get from point A to Z in one step, and you can't get from point A to point Z while avoiding the challenges of points B, C, E, N, P, or any one of those letters in between. BATTLE it out. SHOW EVERYONE WHAT YOU'RE WORTH ALREADY.